closed doors

by ty

prompt : closed doors; given by chocolate catfish dongsaeng once again ;u; /glomps chocolate catfish dongsaeng for helping me with giving me prompts once I dry up and flail on the ground when I can’t write anything/

Closed doors were things she would choose not to open. Whether physical or emotional it wasn’t in her options; adventuring and climbing out of places she had grown familiar to seemed to be a taboo to the battered mind of hers. When it came to things unfamiliar she would willingly shut herself out, yes she would close doors on others. Perhaps it contradicted herself because she never wished to understand anything closed but she would shake her head calmly and speak with her soft raw voice – I never wanted to understand myself, or at least id admit that I can’t.

Forbidden feelings and emotions. She once had everything she wanted, the people she wanted to be around lingered in this small radius around her, giving her all the jokes and pep talks she ever needed. She had who she wanted in particular to smile to her from day to day, once for a period of time even giving her presents she longed for. She had the teachers smiling to her radiantly speaking to her calmly in a somewhat understanding and gentle voice. She once felt free. Yet she began feeling things she felt she shouldn’t have; things such as unexplained jealousy; sharp pains piercing through the lonely resides of her heart, impossible events running through her head as though they were taking place, clouding her with a peculiar lot of jealousy. It is difficult to explain though, such feelings of restrain. It hurt, and she wished she could rant it out on a willing outlet. Yet speaking of it gave her a sense of guilt, just as much as the chains that would pull her back when she reached her trembling palms out for the ice cold door knobs. It felt wrong, forbidden, selfish. This, was the first door she shut on herself, the one some people called the most crucial – her heart.

Trust; betrayal had become a little jigsaw puzzle piece of her memories; leaving her tired of wrecking her head for ways to place the torn pieces. She lay amongst the many pieces lying in the crimson puddle wondering if she would ever complete a picture; her picture. It was tiring to her, placing her trust in the hands of a stranger was too much of a risk. the second door she closed; her mind perhaps. The thing about this door is she never intended to open it, throwing the sole key to this door into the flames, watching it melt as she choked up, maybe tearing a little. Yet she laughed a little afterwards, it was good this way.

Clutching the bunch of keys, she walked through the dark corridor shed call society, perhaps hoping to find the light at the end. They spoke of the light at the end of a dark tunnel; perhaps a lover or a friend or a similar victim. She hoped though that before her bare feet tore away between the teeth of the gravel ground she’d reach her haven, be it being in the brown eyes of an individual or the warm touch of a trembling hand.

It was taxing; her feet were tired and worn, she caught a glimpse of a faint candlelight before she fell to her knees, clenching her teeth in frustration at her inability. Footsteps approached her; leaving her heart to flutter a little with some sort of expectation. Perhaps it was time to open these doors? Yet her keys slipped out of her scarred arms; she lay on the ground tracing the scars on ger arm as her eyesight began to trickle away gently like the vermillion hue that stained her chiffon dress.

“would you..need help?” a warm trembling hand reached out and pat her on the head as the figure bent over her to reach for the keys that fell into a little indent in the ground. “Get up, I’ll help you along the way alright?” She looked up to see a smile, a true genuine twinkle she’d never expect, his black hair falling into place naturally, his hands trembling just like hers, pulling her up from her solitude.

As he placed the keys carefully in her hurt palm, she smiled; for the first time. perhaps she found what she was looking for.

AN: SNSHHSSHHWHWGG cheesy max ok sorry guys if it sucks I’m just sitting in class writing so bear with me okay bye bye enjoy and don’t slap me cos its bad OH MY GOD SAVD ME SQUEALS AND TODDLES AWAY WITH A BANANA