fresh air and dry skin.

by ty

de(xei)mber part one kya.

It’s 3011, a day away from december. last year I had a santamental christmas with inpiniteuramyun tag. i started it on christmas eve last year and well, since I’m itching all over because I’m somewhat excited for christmas despite the fact that we honestly don’t even celebrate it and we won’t be going anywhere this year on that day – i’ll be beginning this tag much earlier. its a day away from december anyway. and i’m calling it de(xei)mber because (i) i’m xei in fl, or more like i used to be xei since I switched to being a dumb pudding (ii) december special set of blogposts because it’ll include things like reflections on holidays and all for an audience i’d like to call myself – i mean honestly despite the 107 followers i’ve got here, I wouldn’t want to bore you guys out with my essays about my life and I’d honestly rather entertain you with poetry. But thanks to the entire festive mood I’ve got on now, I guess it’ll take awhile for me to begin writing the poetry I’ve grown used to – brimming with raw emotions, covered up with layers of onion, or banana peel.

first up, penang trip will be covered. haha oh god. i don’t usually blog but i’ll go ahead because oh, how jolly.

so heads up, we had a short trip to penang again this year and all I can say about it is that it was full of eating, and sinful indulgence. The set of blissful four days or so began with our annual tradition of macs in the morning at the airport at the same airport terminal with a new introduction of green tea latte. And off we went stuttering at the thought of being able to embark our first (out of six) flights for the holiday. The next few days were simply packed with the following : (i) stuffing our faces with food which we usually wouldn’t bear to eat – for example the full meat meal at morganfield, and buffet breakfasts early in the morning everyday with the very friendly accompaniment of what seemed to be a rat, or let’s be optimistic and say squirrel scurrying from one end to the other of the restaurant. (ii) squealing incoherently at the prices of certain items which we deemed out of our league under usual circumstances (and filling our arms with shopping bags, nah jk. we cut down) (iii) eat, again (iv) walk through shopping centres like a group of aimless individuals until our feet grew sore. (v) hang around in the lobby lounge and talk about how we wanted to request songs but never ended up doing so because we forgot the names of our favourite songs (vi) stuffing ourselves with cakes, and desserts. (vii) being proud of being able to forsee the problems with the weight of our luggages and clearing our check-in process really quickly and lastly, (viii) feeling good once we returned home.

On the whole, this trip was especially comfortable because we decided to take things slow and the entire pace of our stay was much slower than the previous years. This gave more leeway for thinking and calming ourselves, for example how I woke up at 2am on the second night to lean against the bed frame to watch japanese girl groups dance awkwardly on the television screen with blurry eyesight due to my immense laziness towards getting my spectacles out of its tight box. It was in many ways an energiser since I’ve become more aware of what I want and what I’d like to work on – it gave me the driving force. But that alone isn’t sufficient, because this driving force can be triggered by many things, and that I can prove because I’ve had many moments like these. But whether I clamber back up successfully without getting lazy is another thing.

Though, I lost some things over the past few days and it came in a good timing I guess, since my thoughts were mostly preoccupied by the excitement involved with being overseas and hence I got over it rather smoothly within a shorter time than expected. Simply put, I lost someone through very much unworthy mens. It began from a little friction sparked from genuine worry and endearment but it ended up being coated with pepper, leaving a bitter and stinging aftertaste. But that aside, I’m coping alright.

fl life has gotten dimmer, with others people being busy and all. I’ve lost many people along the way as I moved and left others and it feels like it has lost its own comfortable bubble of warmth. I once promised someone that everything was cool, these exact words. I was completely fine with partial departure and that things would revert to before but I went against that little promise or statement and I guess it was a better decision. Its not that I don’t like keeping my promises, I do love being a dependable person with words that others can trust wholeheartedly but the confusion that comes along with frequent sight of your name along with the memories that have long been buried after several tweaks in usernames or display names only serves to irk me. Yes, I do agree that I have changed and that I am in no position to whine about how things aren’t stagnant when the object of matter is hosted on twitter which is ever-changing in nature, since its a form of communication. The fact that I hold onto some things too tightly has always been a problem, bringing along nothing but confusion and awkwardness. And that’s why I get tired and I shy away. That’s why I resort to the somewhat seemingly unscrupulous scheme to block and unblock to cut the ties of communication we once had tied in a dead knot between us, and so that perhaps I don’t whine and end up ruining your yellow sunshine hues this coming christmas.

In summary, I spent ages writing this. Its barely an hour till 0112 and I’m off to write more.