de(xei)mber part two – for the fl fluffbutts. written while listening to long time no see, don’t ask me why.
I honestly have no idea about who actually reads these things but for the sake of people who aren’t part of the fl circle I should briefly explain? fl is kind of a form of roleplay just that you don’t have an agency and you mostly be yourself because the entire essence of roleplaying is changing largely anyway, regardless of whether its in an agency or not. And with this shift people are beginning to lose the ability to judge whether they’re literate or not and that causes alot of frustration. But that’s alright and beside the point. Point is, since I started roleplaying in June, and since I started on fl in perhaps July or September, many things have happened and since it’s a Christmas special its only right if I think about those things.
Going back to the beginning I remember a few names, and perhaps only two have been around till now.
# shitake mushroom opap – pretty sure you were one of the cool sehun roleplayers which I followed when I was still Jongin with my un being jtxmere and my display name being raxeira. And you probably thought I was a crazy dude because I had a really stupid display name. And that’s understandable because thinking back, I was probably quite insane after leaving the drama in the stifling rp I left at that point of time. I started out being like god damn I’m going to be so literate and be so angsty and not even be high or anything and look at me now. kya. But that’s beside the point. Let’s focus on you because, dedications for the kawaii opap. You were legitimately senpai material. And I was a tad bit scared to talk to you because at that point of time my socializing skills were probably negative. And I’m pretty sure we weren’t close, and we barely talked but I do remember like there was a point of time when I was an angsty monochrome Jongin I ranted a lot, and we talked from there I think? And somewhere along the way we suddenly started talking more and proceeded on to kakao to be stupid dorks with our bonding time? and we once talked about umbrellas and I said an inverted umbrella could be a boat or something. and your happiness cover was like. booyah. and we talked about more shit with stupid emoticons and gago. (idol)gago – future rp. and things like that- bonding time was painful because you left me many questions and i just. kya. we used to be so similar at the beginning and we found differences along the way but i’m glad that you sticked by throughout even though you saw more of my mood swings and lower portions of my mood curve through my rants and our chats on kakao and I’m really happy that you’ve always been there for me. I’m getting so cheesy, someone please stop me. But that being said, you can keep calling me Jongin and i’ll keep calling you shitake mushroom and as cheesy as this sounds, I’ll always be here? so if anything gets rough I’ll be the inverted umbrella to save you from drowning in a flood- I- goodbye. no jk, ily though.
# cute (keai)corn – I still don’t understand most of our conversations, and I don’t understand what happened to make me so comfortable while talking to you. All I remember honestly is I met you when I was in my angsty Jongin raxeira eras and you stuck by till now. I remember spite, and you were like I will give you a cloud. And the cloud will eat you – or something along those lines. I didn’t even know who you were and couldn’t guess but eventually wow that made sense. But I must say this again, really, talking to you is crazily comfortable and I don’t even understand how it works. From our mentions that never made sense, ranging from clouds eating each other to more nonsense we went over to dms and now we basically talk about you being a cracked egg and me scrambling egg and you being a zombie because you’re a slimy thing in a jar but still can scream and all and I’m suddenly clinging to you. Does this make sense, because hell yes it does. But no matter what, I must thank you for always being there and for being the one who was always around to distract me whenever I needed help to get my mind off things, and for being the one in my dms who I could be truly stupid with. There were so many odd things that we talked about and I think I’ve been saying this for the entire paragraph above but really ilysm. Gives you hugs and all, and I understand that you’re busier recently so good luck with that and hang in there! It’ll be over soon I hope. Pats.
# stupid catfish you aren’t counted – dude you aren’t counted, fellow special member. I’m basically just putting you here for fun, jk. You’ll have your own paragraph in my 302 appreciation post so I won’t harp on your presence too much here but since its fl-themed, I hope I’ll bother you enough to bring you back to fl and rp. jk. That wouldn’t be a nice thing to do would it? Since fl and rp used to bring you a whole lot of problems but if there are still such hiccups I hope they go by quickly? kya.
# dear name founder – honestly, you and keaiyungsoo and telepo are the only reasons why I’m still on fl. That’s funny because I didn’t think you’d have such an impact on me when I first started talking to you on fl – I remember my first impression of you was someone who was always high and calling me odd things, trying to annoy me, and proclaiming her love for banana since day one. The person who always wondered about why people called you yonalisa instead of yona or yna because the two latter names were shorter, the person who seemed to be carefree but had her fair share of problems. Along the way I made many mistakes but I’m glad that you stuck around, and I’m glad that you were always there when I needed someone to talk to even though I didn’t always let all of the steam off, but knowing that you were there did enough! haha you once said that for some reason “seeing ryohei on tl” made you happy and let’s just leave it at this, a tl with dear name founder is much better than one without her too. kya. I’m so cheesy oh god, but also, thanks for starting att! I haven’t been sufficiently active there, I’m aware, but I’ll be on more when my busy period goes by. But so far att has been wonderful and you’re doing well as an admin so don’t worry too much about it! I understand your problems at times since I was an admin elsewhere too and had similar problems and I wasn’t the approachable kind but I guess that’s alright. Stay happy and healthy and thanks for being there. ily.
# telepo, founder of our best teletubby squad – one-third of the reason why i’m staying on fl. I suddenly feel awkward like I need to write this well for some reason, but anyway I’ll go ahead without fretting too much. I started talking to you a little later, a period of time after I became xei and got over my old lame raxeira era and wow I have to be honest that at first I was a little afraid of approaching you, partly because I’m always afraid to approach people, and also partially because you were literally a senpai. like honestly. But after talking to you more and understanding you better I feel like wow, you had this adorably funny side to you and when we talked about dance and stuff I felt really happy and grateful somehow because wow its rare to have someone to talk about when it comes to dance, and it was rare to find someone with a similar taste too so. hey, thank you for always being there and giving me the best set of nicknames and for drawing puddytea! # puddytea # katsudytea # dipxei yup. Thanks for sticking around, ilysm
# allen – allen! I have to be honest, we aren’t as close as I am to the others above but still, having you on tl makes me happy for some reason. I guess we talked a lot more before I began shifting and I really apologise for that and at the beginning I do remember that my curt replies confused you for a period of time and I find the need to apologise for that too. But that aside, thanks for staying around penguin! And I understand that you’re having exams so I hope that you’ll get through these examinations smoothly and feel better soon since exams really do take its toll on one’s thoughts and feelings so hey, good luck! hang in there, and it’ll be over soon enough.
# oreo – first up, I need to apologise to you. I must’ve said some unpleasant things the other day, and I apologise for that. I wasn’t in a very stable state and my sanity was just crumbling for a second. I probably ranted elsewhere on my blog, and I apologise for that too but I didn’t name names so. And when I make mistakes I tend to find ways to hide from them, finding ways to perhaps forget that these things even existed – simply put, I’m quite a bit of a coward. And at that point the easiest way to well forget things was to stay away from you and so I cut connection from this account and didn’t really, know if I should follow you after you shifted. But I’m not trying to justify myself? But I need to say this, but I mean, I was just worried because you always had yourself upset after going through repeated problems when it came to relationships so I got a bit carried away or something or maybe I said something wrong I don’t know but, I’m sorry. I was actually stupidly planning to hide from the problem and not find a way to settle it but I thought that (i) It’ll be Christmas soon and I should do the right things (ii) we’ve known each other for quite awhile and losing that rapport over something like this is kind of, uncalled for, isn’t it? Correct me if I’m wrong. Besides that, I found that losing contact with you was kind of the same as losing a reason to stay in flrp so I thought, it’s only right to clear this up. And be happy with ash! And are you still having your exam period? because if so, then good luck and hang in there, and you can do it, and if things aren’t going smoothly at any point of time do remember that eventually it will get better. 再一次跟你道歉，在此很大膽地要求你原諒我。
# vestige senpai!! – senpai. senpai. chants senpai repeatedly without thoughts of stopping, jk. First up, your soundcloud is so precious I think I need to stalk it daily if you post new sounds and your cover of a drop in the ocean currently has a pretty great number of plays on my itunes library, grins creepily. And your best luck cover does too. Besides that, I started talking to you a little late after being assured by orange or catfish that you were really cute and adorable despite being senpai material and I went ahead after being awed by your rant account which was honestly beautiful because everything was distant yet relatable- you get what I mean right. And when I actually started to talk to you I was like wow, she was right. And I really appreciate that you’ve become someone I can also be comfortable with on tl, and you’re probably another portion of the reason why i’m still stuck in fl despite saying that I wished to leave that many times, and I’m thankful for that. Keep singing and writing and doing what you’re best in because you’re really cool, I really respect you for your writing and singing and for being vestige senpai because, heart heart. ilysm.
and for the rest of the people, who won’t see this. I’ve made many mistakes along the way with people and I’m pretty sure you’ll know who you are if you remember who this pathetic kid is. And I apologise for everything I’ve done wrong, and for everything I didn’t do well in. I just hope you guys understand its just a natural instinct for me to shy away from people when I do things wrongly and I might resort to being unscrupulous and playing around with the mute button or the block unblock thing and I apologise for that? like for potentially ruining someone’s christmas? and for being rude? but that’s part and parcel of xei and as much as its irresponsible i plan to stay like that so. kya.