With yesterday marking the last official day of school this year, it really hit me that this year literally flew by. A year ago at this time i was worrying about how horrendous year four would turn out to be because of what the seniors often described as a steep increment in the workload, and i guess since the teachers made several tweaks to the overall structure – we survived. Besides the revelation that I’m actually remotely capable of surviving under stress, because that’s fundamental, I realised a lot of other things about myself over the past year. Albeit mostly pointing towards how immature i was in the past, I figured that five years down the road I’d be thinking the same about my current self.
Two years back, my favourite word was anaesthesia, because supposedly laden with mental instability and erratic mood fluctuation curves I deemed myself in need of something that could stop everything and give me a little breather. Two years down the road, I choose to state that the greatest anaesthesia which I had been looking for was ignorance – because it was only due to ignorance, confusion and feeling like the world owed me a living that I marked the first few footsteps leading up to the portent of stupidity. It was only because I had myself cupped in a bubble of self-indulgence and chose to believe that it was something external that I needed rather than focusing on how my behaviour was in some sense, incorrigibly ignorant and immature and all of that led to a new supposed dogma – it’s okay to be afraid of mere spectres of vulnerability, as long as it doesn’t become an excuse to single-handedly piece a cloying story with overly elegiac characterization in the wrong places.
It isn’t new to see people stating that you never know where rock bottom is until you hit it, and it’s all too commonplace to indulge in an illusion that you have your hands grazed by the gravel when in fact its just the wind. In that sense, another lesson learnt manifested itself in the understanding that when you’re just halfway down the slippery slide, certain things shouldn’t be said or compared. Additionally, likened to how having a mildly dysfunctional knee isn’t an excuse to avoid physical activities, tripping over one’s untied shoelaces doesn’t add validity to the choice of hiding behind excuses and baseless claims. In a nutshell, there’s no substantial legitimacy in claiming that you can’t change yourself when the situation calls for it. It takes a little bit of thinking, a pinch of courage and a small ounce of strength to pry the bubble wrapping apart – it’s not that difficult, on hindsight.
As they all say, things are easier explained in theory, but other also say that it’s worth a try.